Originally on substack: 12/10/24

“And a voice on the other end of the phone says why don’t you write a song about it well here it goes: I was raised on something that you’ll never know. I’d hate this place if it weren’t for the waves, if it weren’t for the fact that you love it. Where they measure a man on the money he spends, well my love is not a bank statement”

From: A mess to be made, by The Format.

It is one of those formative songs you forget about, and then rediscover. I have listened to it on repeat for the last two days.

It reminds me of a time when I was younger. When my heart still knew unbounded hope, when I was made of rubber and hope and could bounce back from bruises and setbacks like I was unbreakable.

Before I learned that life can sometimes hurt.

I have been also listening to Allain de Botton’s Therapeutic Journey, and finding all the ways that my flawless, perfect self is, in fact, cracked at the edges. That I perhaps did suffer at the hands of my parents, in ways that may not even have been their faults, but nonetheless left me less than whole.

I am still on my journey. I am still trying to answer the question: can I work in a restaurant and be happy?

That question has been joined by another, one that I’m just as eager to know. Do you like yourself?

I don’t know the answer to that one yet either. But that’s enough for one day. Two things, both of which will change your life, especially if you name is Andrew: The Format (or any nostalgic music that reminds you of the primordial beginning of the world) and introspection.

Merry Xmas all. I’ll see you next week.

Also, just to make sure it’s in here somewhere, my name is Andrew Roy, and I run a restaurant. I am studying for my advanced sommelier exam, and I also am obsessed with computers, programming, wine and philosophy. I’m trying to figure out for myself how I can have a meaningful, fulfilling life working in a restaurant. I’m also super, weirdly, obsessed with War and Peace. If you want to see how I do, whether or not I end up figuring things out, please subscribe a follow along!